Today marked the first doctor's appointment where I will now see Amy once a week until T-Nuts is here. He's still head down though he did flip sides. His spine is no longer parallel with my left side but now parallel with my right side. I knew something was different because I'd been feeling a lot of violent kicks and punches to my left.
Nurse Lori did the Strep B test on me. She checked Squirt's position, we reviewed signs of labor, and took a doppler of his heart rate. He was moving around while she listened so we just watched his heart rate go from 147 to 170 in about 15 seconds. So cool. He's responding just how an active and healthy baby should. He moves, his heart rate increases! Just like us!
The Ankle Monster continues to have a hold on my left ankle but it's not been bad lately. As soon as Punk Boy is out, the swelling should subside thus putting less pressure on my surrounding ligaments and muscles.
Dr. Amy still said July 20th would be my induction date if Tron ends up camping out a little too long. She isn't on-call that weekend so otherwise it'd be July 25th which we both agreed is too long to wait! My gut instinct remains that T will come the first week of July. Cheers to that!
Fear aside...Every time I visit with my friend, Kristy, I leave in pure awe of her. Her words, her humor, her delivery of speech, for me it all just clicks. We discussed many issues surrounding pregnancy, delivery, birth, and baby. However this one particular thing I would like to mention is profound.
I realize recently that I was succumbing to this idea that my baby was SO big that I'd have to get a C-section or use an epidural. Simply by power of suggestion, I allowed that to unneccessarily inhabit and weigh on my thoughts. Truth of the matter is, it is absolutely necessary for me to put my own fear aside. How can I worry about something that is completely out of my control? Will I rip end to end? Will I need a C-section? How long will my recovery be? When can I start teaching classes again? How bad REALLY is it going to hurt? These are questions no one can answer for me at this point. TVZ is most important here. I've had quite a journey and I may have passed myself a few times but I'm back to where everything feels best. All I can do now is listen to my instinct, my heart, my gut, and go with it. Whatever happens in between now and when Jason and I get to hold T is just whatever happens. What else can I say? Whatever will be, will be.
A while back I wrote about the worst pain I'd ever felt; when I broke my right leg (fibula). I don't even remember how long the pain lasted. I remember it throbbed for days but the initial horrid, terribly nauseating pain ceases to exist in my memory. Perhaps a survival characteristic of the brain. Forget the pain, remember the pleasure. A lot of mamas that had their children without pain meds have told me the same thing. All say similarly, "It was the worst pain I'd ever felt but I don't even remember how bad. I remember how happy I was to see my baby." That's gotta be nature at work, eh?! After two years of trying to get pregnant, then another 10 months of being pregnant, he's all I can envision too.
I am intense. I am powerful and I know what I want. I know how to listen to my body. When I haven't listened, things go wrong. I know my body, I know my mind, and I can put myself into a zone, a trance, a frame of mind where the primal instincts kick in. Time simply stops. Time will stop to make way for TVZ.
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