I feel fine. What's wrong with me?

I went into Week 9 last Friday feeling normal again. I had to question what was wrong. For 7 weeks I was exhausted. For 2 weeks, I was barfy. Then I just woke up one morning completely fine. Oh well, guess I shouldn't over analyze it too much.

I don't "feel" pregnant" except for my boobs. HA! It's the beauty of pregnancy for the weightlifting girl with pecs. I keep wondering how I will look in June when I am hot and tired and so ready to have this kid. My prediction is this: I'm 5'9" with a proportion of short legs/long torso. I predict the kid will squish my organs from top to bottom before it sticks out too far. My goals is to not gain any unnecessary weight. I know my body and luckily, I haven't had any persistent cravings for junk. LOVE the fruit right now though. Yeah, I'm guilty of a turkey burger with copious amounts of seasoned french friends, cherry cordial ice cream, and brown sugar toast with peanut butter and strawberry preserves but nothing ostentatious. :) My Strike/Mixx classes can tell me how unsmooth I am moving as I enter the 3rd trimester. If I add some low impact cardio (NOT more kickboxing), I think things will be pretty stellar.

I look back one year ago and remember the dark hole I kept spinning. The crying, screaming, anger, fury, resentment. The rap/poem listed below I wrote just from September. It was a way to release the monster that was consuming me. I had to let it out. I must say even before I found out I was pregnant I found myself veering away from the path of self-destruction and returning to finding center and peace and whatever else it is that keeps us going. My family, my husband, my friends, and all the wonderful people I interact with everyday in classes. You all kept me going.

have you ever wanted something so bad you can feel your cells hurt
like a 20-ton truck on your chest that reverts
your mind back to the source of excruciating pain
you endure when you see everything you've done was in vain

she says, how old are you? i say, it's been 32 years
you're not getting any younger, yet she fails to see the tears
welling up in my eyes, my fists as they clench
i bite my lip, then i say fuck it and lash so hard it makes her flinch

do you have any idea what you're sayin' to me bitch?
do you know the kind of fire you're playin' with bitch?
don't tell me about time, or getting older, and don't tell me I better get on it
because my ass has been gettin' on it, so much I'm fucking til I'm more fit
my gut burns and my heart bursts everytime I see what I am not
i ache and i rock and i cradle and i rot
she looked at me with her jaw dropped open
i could see the back of her throat and she sounded like was croaking
i said close your mouth bitch, you insensitive piece of fucking shit
but next time think before you open your mouth
put yourself in my shoes because it's so easy for you to pop them out

go on home now, bitch, and look at your kids
count the hairs on their head and watch all the vids-
of the first time they walked, then when the first time they talked
they said momma and you knew you would die without 'em locked
by your side because how would your life be different if not only you didn't have them you couldn't have them

once again don't tell me about time or what i need to do with my life
i had a fucking plan but now i'm just trying not to cut myself with a knife
thinking about how i'll never have that feeling you had
when you had your first, just like you rehearsed 
every day in your head how your life would fly
i'm walking away now; i don't care if you are crying
you got no reason to cry, look it, my eyes are dry
stand up and go hug your daughter and son
tell them you love them because some of us have none.