I had to have a little chat with myself recently. Either my social calender has always been busy and I just didn't realize it because I had the energy to do everything or all of a sudden things just got more busy. I realized this past weekend I may be overbooking myself. And it's not even like my schedule is THAT crazy! Maybe another pregnant woman who look at what I'm doing and think I'm being a wimp or maybe she would say WHEW I am tired just looking at your calendar! The problem is I am that person that hates being late and I hate cancelling. I never want to disappoint anyone, ESPECIALLY my friends whom I care for deeply. I don't want to overbook myself only to find after work my feet are too uncomfortablely tight to walk around more or I am just too tired to converse...then I dread having to disappoint anyone who was expecting to see me later that day. I dont want to be half present when I hang out with friends!
My friend, G, put it so eloquently in an IM...
G: there is a parasitic alien sucking the life out of you right now...you do realize this don't you?
Me: honestly, i forget. and i think i should be moving at the pace i moved before!
G: you need to remember that.
I shouldn't feel bad but sometimes it's inevitable. I worry I let friends down for not showing up to events or parties that were planned that I said I could come to. Someone else could have attended with the tickets I didn't end up using and that is rude. I know I don't need to defend anything either though. I just needed to think out loud. I'm pregnant and my body no longer belongs to just me. It is housing another living human being who depends on me for life and energy. I guess I need to make sure I have enough for us both.
please don't beat yourself up! you can't blame yourself for being as f-ing awesome as you truly are!!! everyone wants a piece of Zook AND baby Z! we all understand, and before long while you be at home because baby boy Z as made his appearance into this world we'll all be hanging out at your house to get in our precious Z time! ...well i suppose i shouldn't speak for all and only myself...i plan on hanging out at Casa de Zook frequently...you've been warned! :)
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